I’m exhausted, my brain is a disaster…no guarantee’s this will be coherent…
Crazy Pants had FUN at the CAA trial on the weekend…I honestly couldn’t be happier for her.
I need to see her happy and playing agility. I’m not a quitter, I will work at something until I believe I’ve given it my best, but if my best still isn't enough, I will walk away at peace about it. And I need to see that my best is making a difference for her. For us.
Agility is a way for us to detach from life and focus on our relationship. I know I’ve done an awful lot wrong with her…sometimes those faults feel so overwhelming…and I know some of these issues we will struggle with her entire life but that’s ok, its part of what makes her Neena. But it is a horrible feeling watching your dog melt-down, and my goal was/is to teach her how to work through and recover from those fears. We've worked hard...and it's paying off. Saturday I had a lady come up to me and comment on how far we've come, and she said Neena is a really sweet dog. My Go! Dog! Go! friends see the true Neena, but one of the hardest things for me is that the other handlers only see Neena as broken down afraid dog...it meant a lot to hear different.
We had some fantastic moments on the weekend…every run she was happy, we played on the start line, like arm biting, hoodie ripping play. Occasionally she was on the verge of out of control zoomies. It made me laugh...which as we all know made her crazier...it was fun. And a couple runs we really connected...in a way that left me shaking with adrenaline and happiness...and fighting back tears.
A few things I think have really made a difference, I've been working hard to control my own emotions, which includes refusing to be part of or around negativity. I've also been trying to walk calmly and doing focus work on the way to practise/league/trial run, the idea is to make the agility the party, not the walk too/from. So a couple times this weekend I chose to reward on course for playing with me. The focus work is also really paying off, especially at the startlines. In fact we started doing Rally classes on Friday nights, and she's LOVING it...she stares at me with that happy little Neena grin for an hour straight:).
Of course there is always work to be done...for example I need to keep building toy drive, she had a minor meltdown when Darcy was calling numbers during snooker, and I still struggle at finding the balance between firm and fun. But that's ok...there is always room for improvement...in agility or otherwise.
Ended the weekend by meeting a friend for a bike-path walk along the Bow River, the city lights were pretty and the air was crisp. And Neena still had enough energy to provide some entertainment, I'll never understand how a stick can be so much fun lol.
