A vigorous shake

This weekend Scamp, Neena and I attended our first Kathy Keats seminar, I had no expectations really…but Saturday noon I ended up with 3 full pages of notes for Scamp aloneJ, I know I’ll need the reminder in the future so here goes.

Disclaimer:  I know that I’ve heard a lot of what Kathy said before (RIGHT SARAH & AMANDA?).  But it was a fresh perspective, so don’t hold it against me ok? Lol 

Scamp’s Training Book:

Goals & training: 

1.       Where do I want to see Scamp in 2 years?  She said to reassess this goal frequently to make sure I am taking them to that next level.
2.       How did my training today improve our skills (to meet that goal)?

Scamp wasn’t targeting jump - We started fixing this by preventing mistakes and rewarding correct choices/jumps.  She used the idea of pressure a lot; this resonated with me since I’ve been learning about in herding.  The idea is to use pressure (e.g. my presence/body) to get the dog to stop or prevent a negative behavior/choice (e.g. not taking jump), and then release the pressure when they make the right choice (e.g. takes the jump).

Here’s an example of how training should look:

First run: run the sequence/course with the expectation they will get it right
Second run:  anticipate problem areas from the first run, don’t let them make a mistake (e.g. catch the intent to do wrong, instead of fix the mistake), use pressure to make them take the jump. 

BUT…remember, Scamp likes flow, and I break the trust when I break the flow.  If I’m not there in time to fix it, keep the flow.  Another good reminder is to watch if he hesitates on an obstacle, and be prepared on the next run since there is a good chance he might make a mistake in that spot.

Blind obstacles - Neena knows her obstacles and how to find lines, I keep forgetting Scamp is still learning.  I need to be aware of the course, to look at it and prevent mistakes by seeing what he might see.  In a nutshell, don’t walk a sequence/course in autopilot.

General Good Dog Behavior – Don’t be a pez dispenser, it’s a crutch.  We did an exercise where we walked around with loose leashes/no cookies and Scamp did GREAT.  THEN we put the dogs in down-stays while we walked a course, Scamp was a little uncomfortable, but he only broke his stay once.  WOWSERJ!!!  Adding stress/pressure in this kind of setting helps the dog cope with other situations, e.g. agility trials.

Scamp’s Immediate Plan:

1.       speed circles/grids/figure 8’s to build confidence/speed/trust

2.       line of 3 jumps > start skewing jumps, need to be able to send/recall over/and run with him through

3.       find/train small pieces in larger sequences to keep the flow (e.g. pin wheels)

4.       keep working on driving to a goodie container/toy

5.       Drop jump heights to 16”, depending on what I’m training.  Right now it is sometimes more important that he is happy/gaining confidence & trust than that he is jumping 22”.

Neena’s Training Book:

Goals & training: 

1.       Where one thing would up Neena’s game?

2.       What drill do I need to do tomorrow that will get us there? 

Course awareness – increase it by looking for what the dog sees, not what we see.  

Position, Orientation & Motion – all good handling systems are a combination of these three things.  The best way to handle a dog like Neena (with lower motivation) is to use motion & orientation to cue them before obstacles.   

New Moves:

·         the “throw and pull” move

·         the “pull and wrap” move

·         blind crosses, and when they’d be useful

 Neena’s Immediate Plan:

1.       Ready 1-2-3 game (driving ahead)

2.       Driving to/out of obstacles, and without my motion

3.       Jump commitement

4.       Drop the 1^st 2-3 jumps to 16” when we are working a sequence with an ‘icky’ start 

General Notes from the Weekend:

·         Don’t anticipate, watch and prevent from being wrong

·         Increase obstacle commitment

·         Pay attention to the dog in front of you

·         Know your strengths/weaknesses

·         Do not default into handling with my hands…handle with my FEET!

·         Run every sequence like it’s a trial, add that same amount of pressure/stress

·         RUN!!!  Push myself, I’m capable of more.

·         OWN patterns (e.g. 180°’s), be able to do them a bunch of different ways 

Throughout the weekend, but especially in Neena’s sessions, Kathy talked to us quite a bit about our “Mental Game”.  In one exercise we partnered up and took turns leading the other person around the arena eyes closed.  When we were done Kathy asked what we felt when we were leading...and immediately I thought resistance.  She said that’s exactly what our dog’s feel when we don’t trust them, and even more so as they are more sensitive to our emotion than we are...it was such a physical, tangible idea.  I’d never thought of it like that...I want to trust my dogs, and I want them to feel that.

She also challenged us to think about why we feel insecure, and how to get past it.  Things like focus on the positive, and take action...it is always better than inaction.  Maybe the best line of the whole weekend was...professional athletes have the same insecurities we do; they are just quicker at giving themselves a vigorous shake and getting past them. 

And I’ve decided...every now and then, I need a good vigorous shake;).

ADC! and other news

We have news...Neena got her Agility Dog of Canada title!

 

Been a super long road for my bestest girlie...3 years since our very first agility trial (September 2009).  Three years to get 3 starter standard qualifying scores...with a dog who frequently runs clean master level courses at fun matches.  At times that's bothered me...I mean, the dogs we started with are masters dogs.  Heck, there's been like 2-3 baby dog classes since us and many of those dogs are masters level dogs.  It's really easy to get in my head, caught up in the competition, beating the clock, having a clean run. Even though it's drilled into my head over and over that the most important thing is to have fun:).

 

Anyways...the super cool thing for me, was that we got that final standard at the Training Troop trial.  The same arena where Neena had her last super duper meltdown.  We haven't been back, in fact I wasn't sure I would EVER take her back there.  I never want to see her like that at an agility trial again.  I mean...it's supposed to be fun, and that wasn't fun for either of us.

 

In the end I decided to enter Neena for one day only and see what we ended up with.  I tried to keep an open mind, no expectations...but I also went with hope.  And it was so cool, I mean...I had walked the full course, but I was completely prepared to pull out Plan B if necessary.  I almost lost her at the startline but we powered through it and away we went...about 2/3 of the way through I thought...holy crap, we might just Q this.  And then we did...and it was like PARTY!!!  After our party/play time I put her away and went back to the arena, I started remembering the last time we'd been there, and all the work along the way...and then how much fun we'd just had.  And I cried.  I'm like that lol.  It was a big moment.

 

I'm so proud of her.  All the focus work we've done has paid off enormously.  I know she still gets worried, but instead of losing it completely she is better at focusing on me and it helps block out the scary stuff.  I've taught her that.  Ain't that cool!?

 

I really give Sarah & Amanda a lot of credit...they've supported, encouraged, listened, lectured, ass kicked, and motivated.  I often look around at agility trials, and think how lucky we are to have such great trainers.  That is truly not the norm, the success of our agility group is a testament to them.  And more than 'clients'...they treat us like family, because no one in their right mind would dedicate so much time and heart to other people's dogs for such measly pay:).  You guys rock!  Thank-you!

 

In other news...a couple weeks after the Training Troop trial we went to a CAA trial and had another fantastic time.  In fact, I am willing to call that her best ever weekend of agility trialing.  She was so happy, and silly and fun.  A couple courses she RAN...like full out Crazy Face running...I couldn't stop smiling lol.  And she even bopped the judge on the nose on the way out of the ring once lol...it's terrible manners, but I'm just so happy to see her happy I'm gonna let it slide:).

 

As for Scampers...he came along to both trials.  He's learning how to be quiet in his crate, that I'm more exciting than little dogs, and to tug in new locations:).  We've also done a little bit of rally work, mostly for the focus.  It's actually quite ridiculous, but something about my littlest penguin seems to really click with people...he already has his own fan club lol.

 

Final piece of news...Scamp got to play with sheep again!

 

We had an impromptu lesson with Louanne last Monday, oh my gosh was it fun.  I've only ever dabbled in herding with Neena, it was pretty cool to have a different experience with Scamp...

 

Things I noticed with my VERY limited herding knowledge...was his balance, and his ability to pace himself...Crazy Pants doesn't know how to walk up behind sheep lol.

 

However, he does share this habit with Miss Neena...

 

 

Makes me laugh...he seems too sweet and awkward to me to be able to pull off those moves lol.  Or to flip me the imaginary bird about lying down.  I won, but it was a bit of a fight.  And it earned me a lecture about being too soft lol...fair enough!   

 Was a super fun day, think its safe to say we will be back:).

!!!!!!!!!

This past weekend was the much anticipated two-day Go! See Spot! Fly! Agility Camp…I was so excited to have working spot for Neena.  Each day consisted of 3 sessions with one of 4 instructors.  Here are the highlights from each session: 

Friday:

Session 1 – Terry challenged me to do more front crosses.  They are motivating for Neena because I am more in her face, and I usually can get where I need to be.  I also need to re-build value for them by rewarding at my hip every time until she starts to expects it, then I can wean it away (this reminded me of the toy/tug training I’m doing with her). 

Session 2 – Sarah always challenges me to play more with my dog…I love that.  I also need to think of Snooker as a regular course (e.g. standard/jumpers), instead of a game.  It’s all in my head! 

Session 3 – We practiced distance with Annelli…this was the afternoon session and it was HOT, I expected Neena to shut down on me…but she was still happy, and even tugged with me.  I was thrilled.  Anyways, Anneli pointed out how in training we often practise something until its ‘right’, and move on.  Repeating a sequence can signal our dog they have done something wrong, and they will offer something different.  So, if you are going to try a mini-gamble twice, try to put at least one other obstacle in between.   I thought that was really interesting.  I also really need to work ‘Go On’ and ‘Get Out’ with her.   

Evening Lecture – Dr. Devall talked to us about conditioning our dogs, we should all be doing the following training with our dogs:

1.       Strength  - waves/sit pretty/walk backwards/tugging/etc

2.       Endurance - 20 minutes trotting or 10 minutes swimming 3x/week

3.       Proprioception - body awareness (e.g. walk through ladder)…Scamp especially needs this lol

4.       Warm-Up - 5-10 minutes walking, smaller amounts of running/jumping, and active stretching

5.       Cool-down – decrease intensity of exercise over 10-15 minute (trot, fast walk, slow walk) and passive stretching

She also stressed the importance of appropriately trimming our dog’s nails.

Saturday:

Session 1 - Neena keeps surprising me with her distance work and I LOVE IT!  It is so cool to see how much she really knows…and that it’s not all a fluke lol.  Anyways, Anneli really pointed out how shoulders support distance and discrimination.  She/Jan also pointed out what a good girl Neena is; she checks in with me and then goes where I’m looking.   Finally…I need to be happier on the outsideJ.   

This morning I felt Neena was sniffy/distracted and was avoiding the frame.  I walked her and noticed she was off on her left rear; Sarah agreed and massaged her finding some additional tightness around her left shoulder.  We decided to jump her at 16” and do only every other activity. 

Session 2 – Amanda was at her finest playing mind games with usJ, I ran one of the sequences so Neena came out of a tunnel and had to run to me…depends on her mood I can use that to get some extra speed out of her. 

Session 3 – I ran one sequence with Neena for Terry and he looked at me and said…Jen…she’s tired.  And he was right.  I found it hard to find balance this weekend.  I know I didn’t reward Neena as often as I normally do, and I wouldn’t typically ask her to work that hard/long, especially if I thought she was sore.  That being said…she tried, I really believe that…and she worked longer for me than I should have asked her too.  She’s my bestest gal, and I feel like I let her down on that oneL.  We decided she deserved the afternoon off, and she literally passed out in her kennel.  Instead, Terry had me work Scamp for the rest of the session…which was pretty unexpected but fun!  In addition to reinforcing the foundation skills Sarah & Amanda have already been teaching, Scamp did his first pinwheels and tunnels…it’s some of his first agility baby steps…awww! 

Evening Lecture – Kyle talked to us about his Olympics luge experience, goal setting and visualization.  Funny…some of this I’ve always done.  And some of this was exactly what I needed to hear about my own personal goals.   

We finished off the weekend with a one-day Go! Dog! Go! Trial…I was extremely happy with Neena yesterday, given the heat and how hard she’d worked the two-previous days…she was happy and focused, with only some minor nerves & ring-crew visitingJ. 

I think I had heat stroke for our gamble, I should have planned our course MUCH better...I thought we got the closing gamble, but didn’t get enough points in the opening.  Umm…why wouldn’t you take the 4 point jump twice?  Silly girl!

 
After our first run, I had Dr. Devall give Neena a chiropractic treatment.  She adjusted her neck, shoulder and pelvis…but she didn’t find any soreness, or anything else especially alarming.  I’m not good at picking it out, but Sarah mentioned she’s seen a hitch in Neena’s left rear on and off, so it was peace of mind to have Dr. Devall check her over.   

Maybe it was the treatment…more than likely Neena and I finally got our sh*t together at the same time lol…and we Q’d our Snooker run.  That is the final run we needed to get our Starters Games Dog of Canada title.  Yee haw!!! 

In March 2011, I made a goal to get Neena's ADC title.  I had hoped to get it that year, but today we are still one starters standard away.  To be fair, we don't trial all that often, maybe every other month.  But its hard not to feel like this title is baby dog stuff, and maybe I shouldn't be quite so happy about it lol.  However, we've worked so hard!  And while I don't do this for the Q's, or the titles...they are benchmarks for me.  That I'm doing the right things for Neena, that we are improving and becoming a better team.  That we are having fun doing it.  That's what matters to me.  So again...Yay Team JNP!!! 

Our final run yesterday was an advanced jumpers course…I forgot a front cross which set us up badly for the next jump…but I still think it was Neena’s funnest run of the day.  She was the most focused and revved…I love runs like that.  Unfortunately we were 0.49seconds too slow…my fault lol!  We've spent a lot of time building fun & confidence with Neena, and learning to calm my emotions.  It’s hard to find balance, but it might be time to start thinking about shaving time off our runs too.

Finished up the weekend by meeting a friend in Calgary for a walk along the Bow River...the paths are so nice, and it's so pretty with the mountains in the background.  We were pretty tired, but it gave both Neena and me a much needed cool down lap...and Scamp was happy to blow off some steam too:).

Trial Update

Last week was a bit of agility over load after a month off where I'll admit we did nothing…no agility…at all. I've felt guilty about that for sure. Besides the guilt, I was extra ready to get back at it last week...I’ve missed my friends, the challenges, the working towards goals, the play time, the bloody knuckles, the banter…everything. And I'm pretty sure she did too:). Class was good, we had a few sniffy or worried moments but we worked through them and for the most part she was happy, motivated and focused. And later I realized she didn't go AWOL once...not that she does it all the time, and sometimes the zoomies can be kind of cute, but they aren’t safe, and they are an indication
of a weakness in our relationship. It was a great little realization!

Thursday night we ran a jumpers course in league, she had a minor meltdown our first run, and blew me off the second run. It’s a hard line with her between being happy, cheering her on, and playing WITH HER and being firm, trusting her to do her job and demanding she plays WITH ME. I'm learning. After we stuck around and did some focus work in the arena and around the benching area and by the end of the night I felt better about our evening.

Friday Neena and I headed to Calgary for the CAA trial at the Fezdome and I have to say we had a pretty awesome weekend:).

I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I know how hard we've worked, and I've seen her handle scary situations so much better than she has in the past. But it was still hard to know how to prepare myself emotionally for Neena. And I'm not 100% right now either...the last thing we needed was simultaneous Crazy Pants AND Crazy J meltdowns.

Fortunately neither of us had did...and believe me we both had plenty of opportunities too! But we dealt...and while I won't say we were our best, we were SO FAR from our worst:).

After the weekend I really wanted to re-read the "Reminders to Jen" post...that weekend was my game changing moment and I wanted to see if I've followed through on those goals, and if/how they've made a difference. Here are my thoughts:

Trust. I need to work on our relationship so she will trust me and stick with me on the course.
Neena walked with me to every startline...and there were runs I know she was nervous at the start line, but we got in that ring and we ran.  Additionally, there was 'several times when she thought about running off course...but a firm "Neena" was all it took and she chose to come back.  Every time.  I'd tell you how good that felt...but I can't.

Motivation & rewards (aka. Build Drive!!!)...I need to get better at varying rewards, and teach her that even if there isn't a visible reward on course she will get one at the end. Better yet if I can become the reward.  The length of time we can use toys as rewards in class has definitely increased, however she would barely play with me in the arena this weekend. We played outside, and she was happy to focus/work with me for food...sometimes for longer periods of time than I would typically ever work her in class (my timing to the start line sometimes still sucks lol). But we still have some work to do here...I want her to play with me to the startline. Although if her options are to either focus on me/the food reward or meltdown...we are making progress. Suggestion from Sarah was a goodie containers, which she also wasn't interested in, but I will start building their value in class/at home and hopefully they can be part of the transition from treats to play at a trial in the future.

Building focus. This is tied in with many of these points, but if I understand this right the more focused she is on me, the less she will focus on the 'scary' stuff...writing this here makes that seem so elementary. But sometimes I need to remind myself of the basics!!!  NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that doing this was key to helping Neena deal with her fears/stress this weekend.  Again, I just think about those startlines.  And she's avoiding me so many times on course in the past...one of my best moments from the entire weekend was her looking up at me from the table.  It was her relaxed, trusting, happy face...made me all melty inside and stuff.  That moment alone validated all the work we've done. 

Continue to build our warm-up/cool-down routine.  Check.  Right down to a bedtime massage last night which had the added bonding time benefit:).  But still always a work in progress.

Training. Class once a week and our regular 'work' is not cutting it any longer.  During the summer we had class once a week, and most weeks we made it to the field at least once more.  Like I said, recently I've been slacking here...no excuses.

Find a better balance between making agility fun and being firm, reinforcing this is a job that she is expected to do.  I repeat...I'm learning...slowly.  Lol.

~

Final notes...although her confidence and ability to recover is MUCH better, I still think we would have had more problems at the Balzac arena, turns out I'm wait listed for the December trial and I'm not sure I'm all that upset about that.   I need to have her head every minute so our distance (eg. in gambles) is almost non-existant.  And she was more worried about the judges than she has been in the past.  However, we are doing the right things to help her build the confidence she needs to work through these issues...its just a matter of time and work.

OH YA...AAAAND Neena curled up against my leg Saturday night and went to sleep. Voluntarily. Yep.

Neena...have I told you lately I heart you and your my bestest gal? xo

Three more sleeps...

Eeek...

But first...I gotta get through a Bio 1020 lab quiz and lecture midterm:).

Monday Morning Edition

The insanity continues, I ran myself down last weekend and spent most of the past week trying to get myself feeling 100% again. That being said, I am trying to be good about time-management and balance...there are something's that I just simply want and need to make time for. And this video is a good reminder of one of my highest priorities...my bestest girl!

Its still hard to watch, it looks like I'm beating her:(. I promise I'm not...'normal' Neena likes to play rough, but I see now she's not going to engage in play with me when she's at this point (duh!!!). I need to teach her she has other options when she's faced with scary situations.

It makes me sad, I know better. I am better. And my laziness has allowed Neena to live like this for 3 years.  I can teach her to recover, I can give her other options when she's worried in a situation. And I will.  On that day I'll look back at this video and both wish I'd done it so much sooner and celebrate how far we've come.

Amanda talked to me last weekend about having goals...believe it or not I haven't had any firm 'goals' for Neena and I beyond "lets have fun". I spent some time this week thinking about goals, the trial, and all the things I've learned in the last 2 years...and I came up with a few goals.  I'm excited about them...they are doable, and they will make her healthier and happier.

So goal #1 - teaching Neena to recover. Specifically, we are going to conquer our fear of city buses and air brakes and I want to make a noticeable change by the end of summer. I have a plan...its 'trainer approved'...well not officially lol...its a lot of what Sarah, Amanda, and a few others I trust, have already taught me and talked to me about. I will explain it better sometime...right now I'm just a little short on time:).

Goal #2 - is tied in with #1, I want to teach Neena one new trick each month for the next 6 months.  Ideas are welcome:). 

Goal #3 - to get our Agility Dog of Canada title.  To get your ADC you need to have three starter standard runs...we have one.  I believe we can accomplish this in 2011...however I'm not sure I ever want to trial with qualifying being the goal...so I'm by no means firm on that deadline.  We will do it our way...in our time...even if that's the long way around;).  That being said, we are also close to our Starter Games Dog of Canada (SGDC)...and I think that would also be neat. 

Goal #4 - jogging for 20 minutes three times a week.  This is to improve both of our fitness...I'm still working out the plan...but I'll get there...

Phew...speaking of time-management...I'm out of blogging time:).  Til next week!

#70 - 81 of a Thousand, Endless Gifts

~ wind free days and the promise of spring

~ biology!!!

~ 6:30am wake-up calls from Dad

~ seeing the kids I used to babysit have grown into some really amazing people

~ the opportunity to keep cheering for those same kids

~ kongs

~ homemade nanaimo bars

~ my nephew's giggle

~ a snuggle for Auntie Jen...gosh I love being an Auntie...I forget sometimes...

~ quality time with the sis;)

~ blog stalkers...you know who you are

~ learning to accept what I can't change

FEO - updated!

*video link added below*

Ever had one of those weeks where it seems like EVERYTHING happens at the same time...this is the condensed version of my last week:

Monday - a door opens, stay tuned...I'm keeping it a suprise (its killing me!) but its BIG!  Almost as big as my vet interview...*claps hands in glee*...can't wait, can't wait, can't WAIT!!!

Tuesday - got 2 midterms back...Yay for one...Yeesh for the other.  Mail from Mack Daddy.  Neena wows me at agility class with some impressive distance work!

Wednesday - The boss springs an interesting but VERY last minute blood sampling project on us.  Doctor says I DO have a heart and it ISN'T broken after all lol!

Thursday - BIG day...harassed a prof.  Get my vet interview via email.  Then had to re-focus to write a biology lab exam.  Changed the name on my BSc to Peters.  Get home to find Colton's new Dale Jr T-shirt and my divorce papers in the mail.

Friday - Dad calls to say he's selling the farm equipment this spring.  Pack for the weekend and fly to High River for a puppay partay. 

Saturday/Sunday - Training Troop Trial!

Its been insane, and truthfully by Thursday I was already feeling a little frazzled.  By that I mean exhausted and emotional.

As for the agility trial, I had set some goals for the weekend.  I wanted to have fun with Neena and continue to work at our trialing nerves, man we sure got our practise at that!  

At its worst, Neena was literally shaking and panting with fear and stress.  Its incredibly difficult for me to watch, and after the week I'd had it was too much...Saturday I started melting down too.  I needed to calm down and re-group, and while I did that Sarah took Neena for a little relaxation masssage too.

The new goal became having her stay with me without being totally terrified during our 'for exhibit only' (aka FEO) versions of the courses:).  Was it pretty?  Hell no.  Was it fun?  Not really.  Was it 'good' for us?  Yep.

And as hard as it was, I know Neena's better at recovering than she was a year ago.  Several times she chose to come back to me when I know she would have rather ran out of the arena.  That's a huge improvement from the last major trial melt-down!  And after most of our runs I found her a lot more willing to work for me and offer behaviors instead of focusing on the scary surroundings.

I learned a ton...always so much to learn...and I don't feel defeated.  Sad to know how scary life is to my bestest gal, you bet.  But defeated, no way!  I've got a lot to apply, a lot to try, and a lot to think about. 

On another note...Amanda let me run Wicca Sunday morning which was a very clever and sneaky way to give me a little confidence boost.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-DuNFlm7Qo

This video makes me laugh so hard, I look so stiff and uptight.  Really I was just trying to be conscious of my shoulders, I wanted to be clear what I was asking her, but I focused a little too much on that and not enough on other parts:).  It was still SUPER fun, Wicca is a fun dog. 

Thanks Amanda!

#61 - 69 of a Thousand, Endless Gifts

~ snail mail

~ watching a mom read to her son in a waiting room

~ a little bit stronger...every day

~ learning to believe

~ memories

~ my fan club

~ Neena's fan club

~ opportunities

~ closure

A little bit closer...

March 3, 2011

Re: DOCTOR OF VETERINARY MEDICINE PROGRAM INTERVIEW OFFER

Thank you for applying to the University of Calgary Faculty of Veterinary Medicine (UCVM), Doctor of Veterinary Medicine Program. I am very pleased to inform you that you have been selected for an interview.

Your interview will be held on March 26, 2011 in the MORNING session.

Multiple Mini Interview
Your interview will begin at 9:00am and will consist of a series of interviews and an onsite essay.

On behalf of UCVM, thank you again for applying and we look forward to seeing you at the MMI.

Yours sincerely,
Alastair Cribb DVM PhD
Dean

The next step...

Today is a big day…first, I started my next (last?) semester of pre-requisite hell. Here’s the thing...maybe I’m fooling myself, but I’m really not enjoying ‘this part’ of my educational journey. I keep telling myself there will be classes that I don’t love at vet school, but I also think it will be more like college…courses I’m interested in and where I can see the application! However there’s this little voice in the back of my head that says…Peters…you’re a fool…

Anywho…I’m actively ignoring that voice at the moment.

This semester I’m enrolled in chemistry, biology, and biochemistry. Between 12 hours of lecture and 6 hours of lab time per week it’s going to be busy. Kim, my boss, has been great helping me juggle work and school; I’m only working about 20hrs/week this semester. I’m hoping that will help with the stress level although I’m a little disappointed too, Murphy’s Law that we are doing work at the feedlot that I’m missing out on.

Second reason today is a big day…my vet school application is in the mail. Holy smokes was writing that baby stressful. YOU try to describe your job in 50 well written words. Also grammar has never ever been my strength, last night I was wishing I’d asked my English prof to proofread it for me. And while there are a lot of strengths in my application, I couldn’t help but notice all the gaps. The reality of the situation is my grades are ok but not excellent, I have a lot of good qualifications but I should have more veterinarian experience, and my competition is fierce. My chances of getting in this year are pretty slim, I’ve known that all along, and set my goal for this year at an interview. I should know about that by the beginning of March.

So then what? It came up in a conversation with a friend the other day...what if you don’t get an interview or in? My response...

“Try, try again…I’m a stubborn bitch! And I’ll spend the next year strengthening my application and driving them crazy;)”

Look out U of C...I almost feel sorry for you lol...almost...

Vision Board v.1.0

About a month after I moved out, the beautiful ambitious girl decided 'we' needed to make vision boards.  So one Thursday night, while watching Grey's Anatomy, she glued pictures out of magazines to her board, and I made a list of photo's I wanted to put on mine.  Over the next couple weeks I set creating my vision board, it worked to my advantage that I was taking a photography class around the same time...and I continued to add the occasional item over the following winter.  However, I never fully finished it, and I haven't added anything since the inspiration point photo...so when the beautiful ambitious girl mentioned not long ago we needed to make new vision boards, it got me thinking and I had to agree.  

I haven't shared it with too many people...it seemed too personal.  But its been on my bedroom wall all this time and while some my goals remain the same (e.g. vet school), some of them I/we have accomplished (e.g. Neena's weaving), and some of them have simply changed (e.g....not telling...that'll be v.2.0).  Instead of a reminder of where I'm headed, it feels more like a reminder of where I've been.  So I want to record it, I never want to forget who I was or where I was during this time of my life, and then I'm going to start the next version. 

And while I try to avoid the whole New Years resolution thingy...it sorta felt like a good way to kick off a new year!  That being said, Happy New Year!  All my best in 2011!

The final hours...

The first page of my last calculus assignment, don't worry if it looks like Greek to you, it does to me too!

In 15 hours I write my final, I get 3 hours and I already know I will run short on time.  Man I've struggled with this course, its just not something I'm 'good at'.  Actually, lately I feel like I'm not doing a good job of anything.  I'm struggling to remember thats not true, I am good at lots of things.  I've never really experienced this kind of stress before, my grades were always 'good enough'.  Its hard not to play the 'if I'd only known' game, my GPA could be so much higher...and I'm definitely feeling the pressure.  Every bad grade decreases my odds of getting into vet school...sigh.

Ok Peters...that's about enough whining...

BREATHE!

The evil vortex of Calculus...

Athabasca University Math 265...aka Calculus...is kicking my ass. And at this point I'm not even sorry about the swear word...sorry Grandma! You know...I have very seldom worked this hard at anything in my life...and gotten such unsatisfactory results. Well I can think of one other situation...*snicker*...sometimes I'm not a very nice person. 

Sigh.  Anyways, I am so lucky to have found Jacinda...she's my math tutor and makes calculus bearable.  IF I pass this course, it will be ONLY because of her.  Its pretty incredible how much time she has devoted to me...and she refuses to let me pay her.  Unbelievable really.  She also started tutoring my cousin Matthew, so last week we had a 'study' date...I thought suckers were a pretty good 'reward', but apparently 12 year olds think that's 'not-cool'. 

Really...I have so many things on the go at the moment...I'm hanging on to my 'give a damn' by a thread and it sucks so much more to work so hard for mediocre grades.  But I'm trying to focus on the big picture...only 4 more weeks left in this semester.  I can't WAIT for December 18th...you have no idea!

Race Report - Team JNP Style

Last week Go! Dog! Go! and Redline Dogsports put on agility & flyball demonstrations at Whoop Up Days, Neena and I participated two evenings. I knew it would be pretty intense for her, with the noises, the people, the lights...everything. But I also knew it could be a good time to make some scary things a good experience, so I armed myself with an arsenal of treats and a positive attitude.

The first day we had a minor melt down over the monster truck ride, thankfully this time I had tools to help her work through it. We walked away for a bit, we played, we hung out and she got some yummy treats. Gyp & Wicca beat her up. Sarah & Amanda showered her with attention and affection. And by the end of the first night my brave little border collie was feeling ok, if not comfortable.

The improvement between the first and second day was noticeable, she was still uncertain, especially when the monster truck was running, but she stayed with me and she stayed upbeat. I was, I am still, so proud of her!

Participating in the demo was great preparation for the Go! Dog! Go! agility trial on the weekend. My #1 goal, my hope, my dream, was that Neena and I would just have fun the entire weekend. I truly didn't care if she went and visited every pole setter and the judge, if she took every obstacle backwards, if we even finished a course. I justed wanted to see her little wiggle bum wiggling.

Our first run of the weekend was our first ever standard...I had Sarah & Amanda help me pump Neena up, and away we went. She was happy, upbeat and with me the entire time, we missed our weave pole entry once, but the second time we nailed it...and we Q'd!

I was shocked...not that I thought we 'couldn't'...it just wasn't my goal. We raced by my goal like it was standing still...I was so happy and overwhelmed and excited, it left me shaky for a good half an hour lol. I was thrilled...but I truly didn't let it change my goals, or my Plan A for the weekend. I headed into gamble & jumper runs with the same attitude I had for the first run...and each run she seemed to be just a
little more confident and comfortable. We had fun. And we Q'd in every run that day.

Wendy from Paws on the Run Photography was the trial photographer...these are a few photographs from Saturday, I think she did a great job...and I love how happy Neena looks.

I couldn't resist this picture...her little toes are spread, she is totally concentrating on making her contact and she is still so happy. I love it.

By Sunday morning Neena had really hit her groove. She was the real deal, the crazy girl I get every Tuesday at class...the silly gal that not just everyone gets to see. It was awesome to watch...and a feeling that I can't describe.

As far as our runs Sunday, I am super happy with them all...I don't mean any of this to come across as as 'we were so close, darn it'. Instead, think of this as my 'race report'. We had a great gamble, not sure if she got rain in her eyes or if I stopped moving but we missed the final jump. Snooker...well I got lost and Neena so totally knew it, she'd stop and look at me as if to say 'now what?' I have to admit, I gave up, but my dog never did...she did her best to 'lead me', the judge even commented about it lol. Our last run of the trial was another jumpers, they are smooth courses and we get to do lots of running...Neena likes jumpers courses lol. And so we make our video debut, thanks Amanda!!!

On a final note, a long time ago I promised Neena that I'd get her agility leash embroidered when she was officially weaving. I haven't kept my end of the deal, after the weekend I couldn't let it slide any longer. And I didn't beat her to get this picture either...she's being 'sad'. I think its freaking cute.

How to Be Alone

If I could be so strong...

Inspiration Point

Its been over a year since I started my blog, I was just talking with my brother and his girlfriend on Sunday...they finally checked it out and were a little suprised how much I share here.  I guess I know just how much I don't share...but when I read back, what I've posted reminds me of what I haven't.  I always wanted this to be a record of my life...and if just once in my blogging lifetime, a post I write touches someone in a way that makes a difference...sharing all this will be worth it.

So...first of all I know I'm tired (entirely self-induced, more later!), and I learned a long time ago that I get emotional when I'm tired...and this winter I learned I'm wordy.  I suspect I might get a little both today lol...but I need to write this down before I forget.

I've always been a runner.  Not the type that I want to be...the kind that I'm ashamed to be.  I think I can handle a lot, but eventually I hit this point where the situation or circumstance gets too much...and I run away.  I've run to a racetrack in Cutbank, I've run to Abbotsford,

Snohomish, Calgary, and last week I ran all the way to Denver.  I'm a coward.

It was never planned to be a great escape...the beautiful, ambitious girl and I had schemed this trip up a long time ago.  But that's what it ended up being...and it was such a relief to leave Alberta.  I hate that.  I love this province.  And for the most part I love my life.  But there are some parts of my life that paralyze me.  I hate to be weak.  I hate when I let myself become stagnant, and clip my own darn wings.  Hate. Hate. Hate.  Oh ya, and I hate that I hate.

So that's my confession for 2010.  Regardless of my cowardly ways, the trip was good for me.  We attended a major animal science conference where I got to see Temple Grandin speak...that was pretty neat.  Also went to a companion animal enrichment talk given by Cheryl Morris an agility instructor from the US which gave me some new idea's for Neena...super cool to run into that type of topic at an animal science seminar!  It was absolutely mind-boggling, and motivating, to realize how much more I can be doing for my career.  The possibilities are endless, and I've become very lazy.  So Denver Trip 2010 Life Lesson #1 was a reminder to work hard. 

Denver Trip 2010 Life Lesson #2 was to play hard.  And I did LOL!  More on that later.

That made Inspiration Point, Yellowstone National Park, Denver Trip 2010 Life Lesson #3. 

 

 I know this pictures is underwhelming...but this photograph and the moment it reminds me of have richer meaning for me.  Its a feeling, a culmination of days of (sometimes lol) meaningful girl-talk, a seminar, a few life experiences, a bit of quiet Jen time, and some space from the real world.  Its not easy to describe...but its something like this...I've got the world in the palm of my hand right now...if I'm not careful I'll let it slip right through my fingers and all the pain I've caused, all the pain I've felt, will be for nothing.

Granted the first thing I did when I returned to Alberta was create a MONSTROUS McFlurry (inside joke) out of a situation I've been having absolutely no success getting right.  *Sigh*

But I've got a new plan.  I've got goals.  I've had a painful, but much needed reality check about a few things I just couldn't stop hoping for.  And I'm feeling both inspired and motivated. 

Its time to move forward.  Again!  LOL!

Dr. Peters

I don't actually remember the first time I thought I wanted to be a vet when I 'grew up', I actually think my mom/family have better memories of it then I do. I do remember we had a female vet, and thinking that it was pretty cool she could yell back at my Dad and he'd actually listen. That's probably a whole other blog post. Anyways, I have always been interested in animal health and behavior and that translated to empathy for animals...I wanted to help minimize whatever pain/suffering I could.  My one and only hunting experience I actually shot a buck that had been wounded.  It made me feel marginally better to know I ended his suffering, but I knew after I would never hunt again.  Don't get me wrong...I like shooting stuff...but now I keep it to targets and clay pigeons.

The same vet that I admired also made a point of telling my parents to strongly discourage me from following her career path. I can understand where she was coming from, she was a pioneer in our traditional/conservative area and I'm sure she faced a lot of resistance from many producers. Additionally being a large animal vet is an incredibly physically demanding job, often compounded by really poor work conditions. I wouldn't say that's the sole reason I didn't persue vet school directly after high school...but I would say it contributed.

In my early 20's I realized I needed to think about a 'real career', thinking back to that time it never would have crossed my mind that I was actually capable of making my dream...whatever it may be...come true. I thought a little about becoming an Animal Health Technologist, but it just didn't seem right. A friend of mine had just finished the Agricultural Technology course at Lethbridge Community College and after talking to him I thought...that's for me! College was awesome, I loved the classes I took. Everything was hands on and practical...I was learning things that were actually applicable at the producer level. Unfortunately the jobs in the animal sciences are few and far between and I realized that finishing my degree would help strengthen my resume.

Where college was fabulous, I HATED my program at the University of Lethbridge. That is also a whole other post. The thought of vet school crossed my mind again during my first year at university. I talked with a counsellor about which courses I'd need to meet the requirements for the U of S vet program. I job shadowed with a vet here in Lethbridge, at the time Southern Alberta was in the middle of post-BSE hell and the majority of his time was spent preg-checking heifers.  I thought...ugg...I don't need 6 more years of school to put my hand up a cow butts for a living (hahaha...I was SO right on that one lol!).  I also wasn't in the position at the time where I could just pick up and move to Saskatchewan.  It was a hard decision to make, I was determined I wouldn't carry resentment or regrets with me, and in the end I decided it wasn't the right decision for me given my circumstance.

So I finished my degree, started working with Alberta Agriculture, and I truly have enjoyed it.  My boss lets me play in the field as much as possible, the work is almost never boring, and there is plenty of opportunity to learn, in fact I've been offered the opportunity to do my master's on several occasions.  I've been content, and for the most part fulfilled here. 

Then my whole world changed this summer.   

At first I was just waiting for the dust to settle...sometimes the coincidences in life are funny and vet school popped up in a couple conversations.  I guess it sort of got the gears turning in my head but by that time it was the end of August and the thought of dealing with everything in my personal life AND a career change was just too much. 

I wrote in "A Story for Shelley" about a "particularly difficult day that a particularly important conversation occurred between the snob, her mom, and the beautiful, ambitious girl".  That day was September 25th and I was in full escape mode...somedays a gal's just gotta do that.  It was a difficult day, lots of tears...for both me and mom...somewhere in there mom said to me that if I didn't at least try to go to vet school now , I'd regret it.  It was a lightbulb moment for me...I had been thinking about it lots, and of course I sorta wanted too...but I hadn't committed myself yet.  Here it is...I'm in the position to do something I always wanted...and even more important...I finally have the confidence and faith in myself to do it.  Doesn't mean I'm not scared...truth is I'm FRICKEN scared...but I have a better idea what I'm capable of now and I darn it, I'd better at least TRY!

Since I graduated from the U of L, the University of Calgary has started their own veterinary program so at the end of October I headed up to find out which courses I still needed to meet their pre-requisites.  Turns out I need an English (are you kidding me!), a Biology (yep...I've got a BIOLOGY DEGREE and I need a biology!), 2 Chemistry's (eek!), and a Biochemistry (ick!).  It was a really great meeting though, I was given lots of idea's how to prepare for the application and interview process, and how to prepare for the program itself.  I felt incredibly encouraged after, its amazing to sit across from someone who does admissions and have them look at you as if they are seeing potential.  I'm not going to even pretend I didn't tear up a little on the way home...it was pretty surreal to realize this dream that I had thought was dead was now very real again.

This appeared on my desk one day this fall, I have a few cheerleaders that really blow me away, even if they do have some unreal expectations, a 4.0 GPA...come on lol!

So what is the point of this long post you ask?  Well...today is my first day of school...again...wish me luck!